


Weight of Life

by Yamiyoru



Category: Persona 4, Persona Series
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Drugs, Eventual Happy Ending, Insecurity, Kidnapping, M/M, Male Pregnancy, Male Slash, Mother Love, Mpreg, Other, Panic Attacks, Rape, Romance, life and death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 21:51:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3705725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yamiyoru/pseuds/Yamiyoru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after Izanami was defeated, there were no more kidnapping and everyone was relieved while preparing to venture into a society beyond Inaba. That was until Yosuke was kidnapped into the TV world. Another force was at work and this time, trying to save their lost member was harder than trying to save the world from Izanami. </p><p>Be warned, there will be a lot of angst, anger and doubt in this series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Shadow Puppet](https://archiveofourown.org/works/323838) by [Aryū Muin (Caeslin)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caeslin/pseuds/Ary%C5%AB%20Muin). 



Prologue

'Please...No more...... My children....' 

Watching Yosuke choked his cries out with tears rolling down his face, Souji stopped moving. The golden obs glazed with sadness begged them to stop. To stop their massacre of his children. It hurt the mother like a stab in the heart to watch his children vanish one by one from the relentless attacks. Yosuke's begs made each member's heart heavy and reluctant to continue. One after another lowered their weapons. Souji could hear the grief in Yosuke's voice and was about to lower his sword when Igor's words rang in his mind once more. 

_He, who became one with another, will return only when the binds holding him are severed._

'Cutting the binds is the only way.' Souji mumbled as he raised his gaze to take in Yosuke's sobbing form . These _children_ was the main reason Yosuke was forcefully brought to this labyrinth. Whatever was here have broken him to the point that Souji was no longer sure if Yosuke was the Yosuke they knew. If they were the binds Igor spoke of, perhaps getting rid of them would free Yosuke from this place. However, there was no guarantee that they were the binds and if they weren't, it might backfired and pulled Yosuke even further from their reach. Knowing the risk his decision would take them, Souji bit down hard onto his lips and steeled his eyes up to the last child in the room, floating a few feets above in the far corner. With a shout, he summoned Izanagi-no-okami and gave the command 'Megidolaon' on the last child. When the spell struck the shadow, it went limb and started falling, Souji was prepared to give another command to finish it off while it was down. The wave of relief was completely washed over when the falling shadow changed its form mid-air into Yosuke. Everyone charged forward to catch Yosuke before he hit the floor. 

_He’s too far away. I can’t reach him._

Souji could only watch Yosuke hit the floor with a loud-

BLAM! 

Souji jolted awake to find himself sitting on a bench situated right below the window. Souji searched for the source of the sound and saw a nurse at the end of the corridor picking up files that was scattered over the floor. After picking up all the files, the nurse hurried off around the corner. The sky outside was starting to lighten and soon sunlight would come in through the window strongly. The rest of the team did not stir from the noise. Teddie was lying across the bench beside Souji, curled into himself. The girls were leaning against each other while Kanji was sitting on the floor, one arm on the bench cushion for support with his face buried into his arm. The team were exhausted after running through the TV world for months searching for their lost member to come back out with their hope dimmer than the last. It took them a year to finally find him and what they saw drove their wrecked nerves into desperation. 

_‘Please stop killing my children!’_

Yosuke’s pleads fell on deaf ears as each member was so driven by distress, they ignored the grief and pain each vanishing shadow caused to Yosuke. They just wanted to take Yosuke back into the real world, even if it caused great emotional pain at that moment.

 _Was my decision correct?_ Souji asked himself this question as he looked at the closed door in front of him. They bought him back but he was still fighting for each breath behind this door. Souji clenched his hands together and rested his forehead against his crossed fingers. The image of Yosuke crying for the Shadows resurfaced in his mind. ‘Even if Yosuke does get through, is he still with us?’ ‘Or is he long gone because we weren’t there?’ ‘Where were we?’ Countless questions flashed across his mind, filling his heart with guilt and he started sobbing for the first time for the past year. Each breath he took became heavier than the last.

_Please wake up, Yosuke. Don’t leave us behind. Please…._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for taking the time to read this work. This is my first English Fan fiction and I wanted to write something about Yosuke as he's so cute! However, I am sadistic so I just want to break him. Not the correct way to treat your favorite boy but I am sadistic, I have to make him cry. 
> 
> Yes, I will be making Yosuke a baby making machine in the following chapters and it will not be a happy story.
> 
> I appreciate any comments and criticism. I also apologize for any grammar mistakes. English isn't my strongest subject.


	2. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Souji and Yosuke discussed about dreams but Yosuke is lost. He has no idea what he wants in life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one long chapter. I have no idea it would turned out so long. I wanted to just skip to the part of Yosuke being used as a incubator but I felt that it would be insufficient to portray all the internal struggles Yosuke has. Yosuke may have come to terms that he has a lot of emotional issue with the world but that doesn't mean they just miraculously disappear. When I finished the game, I noticed how everyone has goals and what they wanted in life but Yosuke seems to be just floating in the air, like he's destined to take over Junes. Maybe I missed it when he talked about his dream. If he did, please let me know in the comment.

**Dreams**

After the defeat of Izanami and successfully rescuing Marie, kidnapping cases ceased and the abnormal fog flood lifted. The gloomy TV world they were so used to was changed into a wide open field. The grass, painted blue felt like marshmallow when you stepped on it. Thick white studs extended high into the sky with thin white blond ribbons drooping from the branches. When the wind blew, the ribbons swayed, beckoning one to move in the direction they were pointing. The cleared fog revealed a grey sky buzzing with life. Like the Midnight Channel, it fizzed with static lights and jolted once in a while. The air smelled like topsicle pops, in that disgustingly sweet bubble gum flavour. So this was the happy world that Teddie once remembered…………….

 _More like Teddie read Alice in Wonderland and corrupted the story further._

Teddie charged forward and rolled in the grass while everyone turned and left the renewed TV world, begging that it was a dream that they would wake up from. That dream would be named ‘Teddie’.

Despite the signs indicating things had indeed come to an end, everyone remained skeptical. They stayed up watching the Midnight channel but it no longer flickered on a rainy night. Teddie also commented that the shadows were now quieter in the TV world. As things seemed to have died down, everyone put the whole incident behind and concentrated on their studies as students. 

Although Souji has returned to the city, they never broke their connection with him. Souji made time to chat with them and even trips down during breaks, joining them for their last school festival. Although Yosuke had learn to keep his trap shut but luck was never on his side. Teddie snuck in a suggestion of cross dressing cosplay café and when it pushed through, Chie glared at Yosuke like he dropped her steak. He remembered Teddie screaming into the phone, complaining to Souji the whole night after the brunette dumped the whole box of topsicles into the trash bin. Making things worse, his attempt to skip out the festival was spoilt by Souji when the latter unexpectedly showed up at his door step early morning and dragged him to school. 

Knowing that Yosuke tried to skip out, the boys in his class grabbed him and forced him into a nurse uniform as punishment. Yosuke had a fetish in nurses but not himself as one. The skirt was as short as the girl uniform he wore last festival and even though he was wearing white leggings that should hide his assets, he did not dare to move too much. To traumatise him further, Souji sat in the café whole day, looking at him with an amused face and flirted with him whenever he was close. Souji would say, ‘Nurse Hana, I have this itch in my throat, can I have some tea with milk?’ or ‘I have this uncomfortable emptiness in my stomach, maybe a strawberry shortcake?’ which the whole class would burst out laughing, knowing Souji’s occasional playful antics. Yosuke would march off and return with a tray of whichever Souji ordered or did not, slammed it down and stomped off to another table. At the end of the day, Yosuke was so mentally tired from Souji’s teases that he walked the rest of the way back in silence beside Souji. In his mind, he was plotting ways to murder the Bear’s hide. 

‘I’m sorry.’ 

‘What?’ Yosuke snapped back from his murderous fantasies and turned to acknowledge his partner. 

‘I’m sorry. I went too far with the teasing.’ 

‘Ya, you definitely did.’ Looking into Souji’s sincere eyes, Yosuke added, ‘but it’s fine. You made everyone laughed so much today. That’s the whole point of the festival, isn’t it? We even got top prize for the best stall this year.’ Perhaps to see the hottie, namely Souji, in the café, the place was constantly flooded with giggling girls. Yosuke noticed that the girls were always sneaking peeks at Souji but the man in question seemed completely oblivious to it and obsessed in getting Yosuke all flustered. To lighten up the atmosphere, Yosuke gave his partner a light punch in the shoulder. 

‘My house is this way.’ Yosuke pointed the way to his house. The girls had initially wanted the team to spend the night at Yukiko’s family inn again but recalling the horrendous stay previously, the boys all opted to go home. 

After a good wash, the two boys settled down to turn in for the night. Cozy in their adjacent futons, they discussed about everyone’s plans and dreams. They would be graduating next spring and when it comes, they would truly be leaving the nest. The festival was their last break and if anyone was serious in a career path, the fight starts next week. Yosuke filled Souji in on how Chie had put her eyes on the martial art Wing Chun and apprenticeship in a dojo in Tokyo, while Yukiko decided on a private university in Tokyo that specializes in business management. The rest of the team still have another year to figure out what they could venture into. However, they could most or less guess what they would be doing in the end. Kanji would most likely take over the family business as his mother's age catches up with them. Rise has already returned to the showbiz so she would probably stay there. Naoto did mention about learning profiling techniques in America, which earned Kanji a tease from everyone now and then that his 'bridegroom' was leaving. 

‘What about you?’ Souji interrupted Yosuke’s recount of how Kanji would blush so furiously and chase them down the shopping street. Yosuke has described everyone’s dreams, except his own and Souji was interested in what the orange dyed boy wanted in his life. 

‘Me? I don’t know. Maybe train under my dad and work in Junes?’ Yosuke laughed nervously. For his whole life, he has been moving constantly with his parents due to his dad’s job. His dad was the branch manager of the Inaba Branch Junes but his dad’s actual job was to set up new branches of Junes across the country. They always leave when sales stabilize enough to employ a local to manage the mall. He had been to so many parts of Japan that he felt he was more like a tourist than a citizen of this country. He was constantly on the move that most of the time was spent on getting used to the new environment. He did not have the luxury of sitting down and asking himself the question ‘What do I want to do when I grew up?’ The longest he stayed in one place so far would be Inaba and now Souji popped this question, Yosuke was lost. Trust his partner to be the one who pokeed at all his sore spots, pushed him into a deep hole unintentionally and then hoisted him right out of it. 

‘Frankly, I don’t know. I have never thought about it.’ Yosuke bored his eyes into the ceiling and searched for an answer. 

‘How about music?’ 

‘Are you crazy?’ My guitar skills are basic and the rest were self-taught. I’m not even good at it.’ 

‘That’s what you think. Rise told me once that your guitar skills, if honed, will be good enough to enter the music industry as a bass player or start a band. She also said she would love to introduce you to her manager but you never touch the guitar again after the concert at Junes so she dropped the idea. If a music artist is saying that, I think we should believe it and Rise is not someone who gives empty praises to get into our good books. Or do you doubt Rise’s experience as a musician? ’ 

Hearing such praise, one should feel warmth enclosing their heart but Yosuke chose to close his eyes and pretend he had snooze off halfway. He could feel Souji turned his head and his gaze but he kept up the act. 

‘Yosuke, we have gone through this before. You are more than what you think you are. Don’t give up before it even starts.’ Even with his urge, Yosuke remained silent. With a long sigh, Souji tugged the blanket up and closed his eyes to get the sleep he needed. He did take the earliest train today so he could catch Yosuke. Yosuke only opened his eyes again when Souji had fallen asleep. He could tell from Souji’s slow breathing. It was not the confidence issue that Souji thought he was lapsing into. It just suddenly occurred to him that everyone knew what they wanted. Souji wanted to be a doctor and getting into Todai would not be an issue at all. Even Teddie knew what he wanted, that was protecting the TV world. 

_Everyone knows what they want. All of them but me._

When they all ventured out to pursue their dream next spring, they would have even lesser time for each other with all of them in different areas. He might lose the few friends that he ever made and the thought had his heart tightly squeezes itself. Yosuke let himself slowly drift into an uneasy sleep. 

The next morning, the two boys decided not to speak on the topic and left to meet everyone at the Junes food court. As Souji made himself a hermit in the café and didn’t visit any of the other displays, everyone fought for Souji’s attention to Yosuke’s relief. Yosuke was still feeling awkward for giving the silent treatment last night when Souji simply wanted to help. He felt worse when Souji treated him like it never happened. Yosuke meant to apologize but up till Souji took the train back home in the afternoon, he never found the opportunity. Not that he ever need to because Souji had more or less figured Yosuke’s fears. Souji also felt the same each time he left Inaba and wished he did not need to. On the train, he concocted a plan and this time, he would push or pull as hard as he needed for Yosuke to see clearly that no one was leaving him behind. 

The next weekend, Souji simply barged into Yosuke’s house with the reason that he needed Yosuke’s help in writing a song for their graduation day. Yosuke, of course, told him to look for Rise instead but Souji rebutted it that he already did but Rise was busy with her new single and could not possibly spare the time. The next best person would be Yosuke, being the only other person who could read scores. Being Mr Perfect, Souji did not come empty handed. He dumped a pile of books about composing music onto the floor and started reading. Yosuke had a hunch that Souji was up to something and refused to help. The only help he would lend is his floor as Souji sprawled across it reading the books. Yosuke switched on his newly bought PS4 and proceeded to advance into the next level but it got increasingly difficult as Souji constantly interrupted with questions on technical terms that he himself had no idea they even existed. He switched on the computer and had Souji googled them all. 

However, Souji pushed through with the same fierce determination fighting Izanami and persisted to appear every weekend with all kinds of excuses that he needed Yosuke’s help in creating the song. Being a good pal and having a tofu made heart, Yosuke eventually gave in and helped. He went as far as digging out his keyboard that he kept away many years ago because if he had to listen to Souji’s random stringing of his electric guitar another minute, he would rather go deaf. After much prying, Yosuke finally revealed that he did have formal training in piano until the age of 12 but he was so angry with his parents always moving that he refused to continue his piano lessons and rebelled at anything his parents meant well back then. 

‘It’s not like I hate music. In fact, it’s quite obvious it’s part of me so Souji, stop lying. I know you are just trying to get me to go back to it.’ 

‘I guess the cat is now out of the bag.’

‘Not _now_. Right from the very beginning. Damn, partner. You sure you have time to be doing all these. What about Todai? I’m sure you need to study for their entrance exams.’

‘If it’s about Todai, I’m giving up on that.’ 

‘What?! Why?! You-‘

‘Let me finish.’ Souji held up his hand and curbed Yosuke’s shouts. ‘I am not giving up on being a doctor. Just not in Todai. I am putting my sight on Kyoto University instead. It has the courses that capture my attention and there is Kyoto City University of Arts.’

‘This again? I already said I’m not good enough.’ 

‘You are not good enough or it’s just all in the mind? Did you see what you have achieved the past months? You wrote a song by yourself. I have chatted with people online and many of them, who said they are trained in music have commented that you have talent. If you do have talent, why not just give it a try? If your application failed, you can still go back to Junes like you planned. What is there for you to lose, Yosuke? These are the recordings of you playing the guitar and the keyboard.’ After saying all he wanted to, Souji left a CD on the table, picked up his bag from the floor and turned to leave. Before leaving, he told Yosuke he would come again next week.

Yosuke has never seen Souji looking that frustrated before, not even when they were facing Namatame or Adachi. Replaying Souji’s words in his brain, he went about his cleaning duties in the electronic department. After Souji left, his dad called him in to take over the shift as one of the part timer skipped out. He paused in front of the television set that they have used countless times to enter the TV world. If Adachi was not stopped in time and Izanami was not taken down, the amount of doubt and confusion he currently held within would probably had him trapped in a dungeon like the rest of the team. He reached out and placed a palm on the surface of the television. Nothing happened and he turned to continue cleaning the rest of the floor. Before he could take a step forward, a pair of arms grabbed him from behind and pulled him right into the television.

He landed hard onto the floor just like the first time he entered with Souji and Chie. He struggled to sit up but just as he pushed himself up from the floor, a bolt struck him, leaving him weak and his conscious slipping. He vaguely remembered being lifted up and carried through a door before succumbing to darkness. When he woke up again, the first thing he saw was a tall man with yellow eyes staring at him with a smile. 

‘Has our queen awakened?’ 

The words sent chills down his spine and by instinct, he tried to move back and find his limbs locked by thick coils of slimy vines. His eyes traced down the vines to its origin. The vines had thick blue veins filled with liquid and the deep green colour reminded him of another Persona; Mara. The vines led down to numerous more lining the floor and all the walls. He opened his mouth to summon Takehaya Susano-o to cut the vines when a vine sprung into life and stuffed itself deep within into his mouth, causing him to choke. He tried to force it out but it only increased its advance and stuffed itself deeper into his throat. He teared as it got harder to breathe and started to get nauseous. 

‘Ah, ah, ah. Be gentle.’ The unknown man shook one of his fingers but it doesn’t seem to be directed at Yosuke. As if it understood the man’s words, the vine in his mouth stopped being vigorous and slid out slightly so he could still breathe without choking but not enough for him to speak. Yosuke did not try again to force it out and concentrate on breathing. 

‘I apologize for the rough handling. I really hate to hurt our queen. My Master will not be happy if his chosen queen is injured. Thus, I must ask of you not to struggle.’

 _Queen? Master?_

‘You looked puzzled. Perhaps you have not met him. It’s quite the pity as it’s considered an honor by many when they do. For many, it’s them who come to him. Yet, this time he seeks you out. It’s a terrible honor when he sent me to bring you here.’ 

_What are you saying? Let me go!_ Yosuke squirmed against his binds.

‘Please do not struggle. Just a while more and you will understand the reasons we brought you here. That is to have you reproduce shadows for our Master.’

 _What? Reproduce shadows?_ Yosuke stopped struggling when he heard the most unbelievable part. How was he going to produce a shadow when he already came to terms with his inner self? He could still feel the light of Susano-o in his heart, which was proof that it was not likely there was another shadow within. 

‘Now you look confused. I believe it would be easier if we simply show you how it’s done. Eventually, it will be your duty to do so as the Queen of this castle. Carry on.’ 

At his command, all the vines in the room pulsated and began sliding across the room. More veins slid up and under his clothes, gripped strongly for a second before tearing them apart. Even his jean made of sturdier material was easily torn off. Yosuke tried to remove his limbs from the iron grip to feel the vines gripped even harder, restricting the blood flow. Even so, he continued his struggle as he felt the last piece of fabric was forcefully removed and what came next made him gasped in shock. Without any preparation, a vine pushed itself into his anus and eagerly pushed it way past the rectum. As it entered, Yosuke could feel the tip of the insertion rubbed mucus along the way to reduce friction and resistance as it explored deeper. When it reached the end of the rectum, it began its retreat slowly. About halfway out, its tip expanded quickly and squirted into the well lubricated passage. Yosuke choked on his breath at the sudden release. He tried to regain his breathing as the release of semen usually meant the end of the intercourse. The vine should remove itself now but as he panted to keep up with his increased heartbeat, he gradually realized that not only did the vein not budge, the wetness that he thought was semen was moving up the rectum again with a movement like a worm. 

He stared at the man in front of him, who had watched him throughout with the same smile. 

‘Finally, I can start my explanation. Like I said before, we have brought you here to reproduce shadows and I could tell from your expression that you don’t understand how it works. You and your team had removed so many shadows that we are facing a shortage. The conventional way, which the ratio is one human to one shadow, is too slow, so the only way is through an incubator and a human that houses so many emotions is the perfect host. The emotions help the eggs hatch faster.’ 

_Eggs…_ As if hearing Yosuke’s thoughts, the man continued.

‘Yes, eggs that will hatch into shadows and you are the chosen mother.’ 

_But I’m a guy._

‘We know that and that’s why first of all, we need to create a womb inside you. The little thing crawling upward now is the womb.’ As he finished his sentence, Yosuke felt a sharp pain in his intestine area. The worm has lodged itself onto the wall at the end of the rectum and chewing its way through. The pain made Yosuke squirmed and shut his eyes tightly. Although the muscle was thin, it still took a while for the worm to completely chew through. Once the hole is made, the worm’s mouth latched around the ring and slowly pushed itself through the hole, turning itself inside out in the process. The womb spread itself out over the intestines and the man could see the womb taking its shape as it budged out thinly with its new addition to the thin body. Yosuke did not have the luxury of admiring the work as once the womb spread itself outward, the vine climbed into the newly made organ and parked itself at the entrance.

‘Now it is the eggs. You will be so beautiful filled with them.’ The man reached out with his gloved hand, attempting to touch his abdomen. The vine once again responded to his words and started expanding rapidly, stretching the passage. 

_No, no, no, no. no!_ Yosuke finally broke as he felt a budge travelled through his rear entrance and up to the womb. He struggled frantically with all his might. He did not care if his limbs dislocate or worse, the wound would open but he would not allow anything to lay eggs within him. 

‘Please stop struggling. You will hurt yourself and the children.’ The man’s soothing words did not calm Yosuke and just when Yosuke thought he’s winning the fight, a thin vein that was sitting around his neck sting itself into his artery and pumped its juice into his blood. Whichever pumped into his system worked very quickly with his elevated blood flow and with each heartbeat, strength escaped from his limbs. Gradually, his struggle slowed and he could only hang limply.

Feeling that it was now safe to step forward again, the man extended both hands and stroked Yosuke’s sobbing face as the tube pumped eggs into the womb, stretching it outwards.

‘You are so beautiful even when you are crying. It’s a pity indeed. You would have shined so beautifully above with all those humans but you are as lost as a lamb now. This is perfect.’ The man with yellow orbs lifted his face up and licked his tears away. He gently placed Yosuke’s head back to rest on another vine. Yosuke watched his captor left the room with a soft command but was too exhausted to process the words. The drug pumped into his system was luring him into a deep sleep. As his consciousness slipped from him, he could vaguely feel more tentacles working in coordination to cover every corner of his skin, throbbing against his body and blocking the light from his vision. As much as he wanted to fight it, his body functions slowed to the beat of the shadow that has taken root within him. Yosuke knew that when he wakes up again, he would not be able to laugh it off as an unpleasant dream. It would be the same nightmare exerting its existence. Trapped in a nightmare that he could not wake up from, dreams were nothing more than empty promises. The only consolation he had was he stopped dreaming a long time ago.


	3. Emptiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Souji has his own issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now it's Souji's turn to be all antsy. I always wonder why Souji can wield so many personas and has no shadow. It’s because he has the wild card and he accepted everything, including his own strengths and limitations? Or he’s simply empty?

**Chapter 2: Emptiness**

The moment he reached home after the long train ride, Souji hurled his bag into a corner and collapsed heavily across the sofa. He did not bother removing his shoes nor announce his return as the house was empty, as always. 

His parents may be back from their overseas assignment but they were hardly around, even on weekends. They were always working late into the night, home when he was fast asleep and gone again when he was awake. Frankly, he believed if he just stayed over at Yosuke's house for the next whole week, they would not notice he was gone. He always asked himself why he did not just bargain to transfer back to Inaba and finish his final year there. 

_It's not like they care as long as I give them their desired result._

When the silence in the house became overwhelming, it was the text messages and prompt replies from his partner that had kept him company. 

_I wonder if he's pissed off since I practically said everything he doesn't want to hear. He probably won't reply if I send a message now._

Souji did not think Yosuke was that petty but still, he doubted anyone would be chirpy after being the receiving end of an argument. He recalled his outburst earlier. He was not shouting but by his usual standards, he might as well had been. Just because he could not get through to Yosuke, it did not mean Yosuke deserved taking the full blow of his frustration. 

_Why did I lose it just now?_

Souji lifted his protesting limb off the couch arm and rested it against his forehead, shielding the bright cold light from his tired eyes. The team may not know since he seemed to get along with just about anyone but this whole 'friend' thing was as new to him as it was to Yosuke. This was the first time he had friends like the team, who hung out all day and poured their hearts out to each other. He grew up with parents who were power crazy and result driven that they packed his childhood with curriculum like tuition and all the other shit he never cared about. As he did not have time for his friends, they eventually stop inviting him for anything and spent his time in elementary school alone. Due to the increased group projects in middle and high school, he learned to approach people like a corporate personnel to get things done. 

However, Yosuke changed him. When Yosuke confessed that his city friends never contacted, deeming his phone useless, he could relate. 

When Yosuke called him his partner, he was honestly shocked and embarrassed that someone actually saw him as important. 

When the two girls ran their mouth, he was genuinely angry that they questioned Yosuke's work ethnics as he respected Yosuke’s maturity and adaptability beyond his age at work. 

When he was at a loss about his decision not pushing Namatame into the TV, it was Yosuke who realized it and lent him a shoulder, giving him the emotional relief and assurance he needed. 

When Yosuke confessed that he never really trusted him the whole time, for the first time in his life, he felt the need to beat someone up or all the disappointment and ache would turn ugly, into a sense of betrayal and disgust. 

Yosuke was the first person who could bring out all these emotions within him that he did not know he was capable of. Many did not see it but Yosuke was his beacon and his support. He would not have amount to much if Yosuke was not there to dance this slow waltz, stepping in and out of each others' space without the need of words. Through it, he felt a stronger, deeper connection with Yosuke.

Thus, his departure last spring, he was really afraid the dance had come to an end. That he would become one of those city friends who never rang. He made it a point to message Yosuke everyday about trivial things while Yosuke played along with just as many random topics as possible. Yet, the rhythm was breaking recently and turning into a tug of war as it did not seem that Yosuke understood his one desire right now. He wanted Yosuke close by for whichever path he took as they step into adulthood. 

_Am I losing you, Yosuke?_

He wished that Yosuke was here right now so he could apologize. He did not like how silent Yosuke was when he left. He did not like how the phone laid quiet in his bag. 

Giving a huge sigh, Souji dragged himself to the bathroom. He should give Yosuke an apology for pushing what he wanted onto Yosuke but for now, he needed a bath to clear his mind and comes up with the proper words. 

That would be his first regret for a long time as a simple ‘sorry’ would have reached Yosuke if he did not doubt the strength of their bond and gave the other world a chance to come between them.

As he turned on the shower, his phone vibrated to notify a new message.

**Teddie: YOSUKE DISAPPEARED!**


	4. Despair with a slight inch of hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically what the chapter title means; clinging to hope. (Beta)  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own Persona.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long. I was just pre-occupied with writing other stuffs. Well, here it is. Enjoy.

**Chapter 3: Despair with a slight inch of hope**

_Where the hell are you, Yosuke?_

The team had run through Marie’s forest with all new shadow types but not a single glimpse of Yosuke in sight when they reached the last floor. This had been so for the past few months. They had cleared every dungeon they could find, bringing them to nothing but more dead ends. 

Teddie assured them he could smell Yosuke in those dungeons but in each dungeon, there were only shadows with Yosuke’s scent on them. It was as if Yosuke was there but they just could not see him. This was one detail they could not understand. Why did the shadows smell like Yosuke? 

According to Teddie, he had never met one before that would smell like a human, not even those that had assaulted humans in the past. Naoto suggested they should approach Margaret for help but the Blue Velvet room door was firmly locked. They could only rely on Teddie. Each time Teddie found Yosuke’s scent, they rushed through the dungeon to be more dejected with disappointment. 

Exhausted and disheartened, Souji ran his hand through his hair in frustration. His emotion was mirrored by Kanji, who had resorted to slamming his fist repeatedly into the bark of the nearest tree. He was very tempted to throw his trusty long sword down. There were so much built up emotions inside that he needed release as well but he could not. It would just make the team even more dispirited. 

That night when Souji received the message from Teddie, he had rushed down to Inaba with the earliest available train. The same few hours that he was taking every weekend was the most anguishing ride he had. He kept telling himself that the brunette was simply hiding in the toilet again after being bullied by his co-workers. However, when he reached the station, the worries on the team members’ faces had told him that Yosuke was not yet found. Ever since, none of them had smiled once.

The first few months when Yosuke first disappeared, there was not a single lead on Yosuke. The reports were Yosuke was last seen entering the electronic section, as captured by the security cameras in the mall but he was not seen leaving the mall from all the entrance and exits cameras. That would leave one conclusion, an entrance that the team knew very well; the TV world. And as expected, after entering, Teddie picked out a faint scent of Yosuke at the entrance but that was all they had. Neither Rise nor Teddie was able to determine where the scent lead to, leaving them as crippled as the police force. Knowing it was futile without any lead, they still pressed on by combing the TV world without result. 

It went on for a month and as time ticked past, their relationship with their parents was strained as well. To look for Yosuke, they had pushed everything aside to look for Yosuke; not going to school and most importantly, not looking after themselves as they spent every waking minute worrying about their missing member. Their parents were disturbed by how strong their friendship was and like all parents, their love for their children was selfish. They urged their children to stop, to leave it to the police. If only they could explain to their parents and it led to the outcome where there was not a day when one or the other did not have an argument with their parents. 

All except Mrs. Tatsumi, it pained her to see her son comes home each day, looking worse than the previous, steps heavy with emotional pain. Although she didn’t know the whole truth, she had a vague feeling that it was this group of children, who found her son when Kanji was missing and how important they are to Kanji. If she was to force Kanji to stop or any of the other children to, she knew they would lose their children to guilt that they gave up on their friend and they would never truly move on in the future. Thus, she had asked Dojima to help her convince the other parents to give the children time. Dojima was reluctant at first but whenever he took a glance at Souji, who looked like he would keel over in tears, he relented. It took them tremendous effort but eventually, they did. The other parents finally agreed but only a year with the condition that the seniors of the group having to first graduate properly from high school. 

To meet that condition, the seniors had to stop for a while to concentrate on their studies and to make it clearer how serious they were, Souji and Yukiko even took the entrance exams to their desired University, passing it with ease. Nothing would stop them if they could help it. 

Except that one year was coming to an end and Yosuke’s scent was growing faint. Were they going to lose Yosuke after all the life and death situations they had gone through together? 

_Izanami, don’t take him away._

As Souji prayed to Izanami in a desperate attempt, in the corners of his eye, he saw Teddie’s ears perked up and stood abruptly, exclaiming, ‘I can smell Susano-o!’ With that, Teddie took off in the direction that Susano-o was. If Yosuke’s persona was around, then it would mean Yosuke was alive. Not wasting a second, they chased after Teddie and spotted Susano-o floating at the entrance, seemingly waiting for them but his persona user was not in sight. Something else was wrong. Instead of a solid form, Susano-o was translucent, close to transparent. Souji could make out the Blue Velvet room door that was behind through Susano-o. Raising a hand in a motion that seems to be beckoning them, Suasano-o floated backwards, disappearing behind the blue door. 

_Yosuke was behind this door? Why? I remembered I was the only one who could entered._

Casting glances to his team members, they were all wearing equally confused expressions. If Susano-o went inside, then they were positive Yosuke was inside as well. Holding his breath, Souji twisted the door knob and the door opened this time. Taking the lead, he brought the team inside. Just like his last visit, the internal furnish was the same as a luxurious limousine but Igor was the only one sitting there. Sitting smugly in the middle, he offered them to take a seat as well but Souji was in no mood to sit. He had hopes of finding Yosuke sitting there on the side, like he did with Teddie when Teddie went missing. However, no, there was only Igor. No Yosuke, no Susano-o, nothing but another dead end. Despaired, Souji turned back to the door. 

‘Hold on a moment, young child.’ Igor rang, prompting them to stop as he continued, ‘The person you are looking for. He, who became one with another, will return only when the binds that holds him are severed.’ 

Souji’s eyes widened at the clue Igor gave them. Spinning around, he was just in time to watch Igor’s form gradually fade into nothing, the wall behind him pulling backwards into a walkway to another door. There again, was Susano-o. 

Behind the door, was a castle but unlike Yukiko’s, the walls of this one were covered with green vines like an abandoned castle and filled with shadows that slithered out of their way immediately, disappearing behind closed doors. Susano-o led them deeper and deeper into the stone dungeon. At long last, it stopped before one huge door. Pointing at it, Susano-o also faded away, leaving a key. Using the key to unlock the door and after pushing it open, everyone was shocked by the inside. The whole room was filled with pulsing veins that were moving like they were alive, even the high ceiling was crawling with veins. At the far end, there was a man, a man with greyish white hair in a blue suit, who had turned around when he sensed movement. With a slight smile, he gave a bow and greeted them, ‘welcome, guests. It appears that your friends have visited to congratulate you, my Queen.’ 

‘Really?’ A second voice echoed through the vast room. 

There was no mistaking the voice. It was Yosuke with the usual cheerfulness they knew but where was Yosuke? Following the man’s gaze, they all looked up. Yosuke was sitting on the top of the chandelier, shaded behind layers of crystals. Pushing himself off, Yosuke slowly floated down, landing softly before them, revealing yellow orbs as Yosuke straightened to give them a smile.

‘I missed you guys.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, you guessed it correctly. Yosuke had ‘shadow-fied’. The team will be dealing with even more shocking stuffs next chapter.


	5. Weight of Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They found Yosuke but not what they were hoping to see.  
> Disclaimer: I don't own Persona.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this story is finally ending. This chapter is all about life and mothers. Salute to all mothers

**Chapter 4: Weight of Life**

'Yosuke?' 

_This person standing before them is...Yosuke? But the yellow eyes...Shadow Yosuke? How? They just saw Susano-o a minute ago._

Other than saying that he missed them, this Yosuke did not attempt to mock them like what a Shadow usually does. Souji has seen Shadow Yosuke, he knew how it behaved, it was not this docile and he could still vaguely feel the link with the Magician Arcana.

_This is really Yosuke? I don't understand._

'Why are you guys here?'

It is in the same voice, the same smile and the same cheerful tone that Yosuke always used.

'We are here to take you home.' 

_That's right. We are taking Yosuke home._

'No.' 

_What?_

'This is home. I'm the Queen of this castle. I'm perfectly happy here.'

Walking back towards the blue suited man, Yosuke gestures to the whole place. This is his castle. 

'I have to keep making baby shadows for this world. Man, they work me like a queen bee although those little rascals can be pretty cute.' 

Bending down, Yosuke started playing with a shadow that in his frenzy mind, Souji did not notice is there in the middle of the room the whole time; a shadow that they have been slashing and bashing since he can ever remember.

_And he's making those things? What is he talking about?!_

As if knowing Souji's thoughts without him speaking it, Yosuke sits down and strokes his belly lovingly. Now that he looks closely, Yosuke's abdomen is slightly budging, hidden by the thin robe.

'It's strange though. Usually, it's a dozen of eggs but this time, it is just one and then you guys are here. Does this mean something, Theo?

Ignoring the confused gazes, Theo turns his smile towards his queen. 'My Queen, you are absolutely right. It might be a strong one that has the qualities of many.' 

'Really?' Giggling, Yosuke pats his belly, which looks like it is growing bigger by the second while he continues his conversation with that person calls Theo. 

Yosuke's words are pushing Souji's confused mind into a turmoil of questions. What is going on? Why is Yosuke talking about eggs? Eggs inside Yosuke? Is that 'shape' he heard? What shape the new baby is taking? 

He has no idea when he started walking towards Yosuke or that he is already standing beside Yosuke. He cannot hear Rise shouting at him to calm down or that something inside Yosuke Senpai is responding to his emotions. Izanagi is telling him not to be hasty but he cannot hear that too. He only knows that he has to take Yosuke out of this shit hole that Yosuke calls it his castle. 

Yosuke's whimpers fell on deaf ears and his pulls ignored as Souji grabs his arm roughly and drags him forcefully towards the door. As Souji’s grip tightens, Yosuke’s gasps of pains grows louder, the vines pulsates aggressively and cries ring in the corridor. In response to its mother’s distress, the shadow that was playing with Yosuke lungs itself at Souji. With practiced reflexes, Souji cuts it into half and it vanishes in a flash of light, leaving a bewildered Yosuke staring in disbelief. His best friend had just cut his child in front of him.

‘Why did you do that?’

‘Why? We did that all the time. With you and Susano-o!’ 

‘No…Why would I? They are my children…why would I kill them for…? I…I..’

‘To save Chie, Yukiko, Kanji, Rise and Naoto! You don’t remember?’ 

Holding Yosuke’s shoulder in a tight grip, Souji shakes Yosuke to wake the brunette up, his voice raising as he exclaims, ‘these shadows are not your children!’ The faint light with the Arcana tells him there are still hopes but a voice in the back of his mind tells him they are too late. Yosuke was long gone. 

‘No, you are lying…I did not kill my children. Shadows are….This is wrong. You are wrong!’ Yosuke covers his ears and tries to block out Souji’s desperate attempts to reason. Squeezing his ears tightly, he tries to push back the flashes in his mind. He shook hands with Souji. He was running after Souji. They were running through rows of corridor in the clouds. There were more corridors dimmed by steam. The streets were covered in thick fog. They were chasing after Chie in another castle. A shadow threw itself at Souji from behind. Using his speed, he was behind Souji in an instant and his kunai ready, he plunged it into the shadow. The shadow gave a cry and was gone…..

Souji was right…They were doing that all the time. He was getting rid of shadows in their path. Every single one of them and now…there is one inside him. He can feel it growing, bigger and stronger each second with Souji’s raging emotions. He needs to take this one away from them. 

_They must go!_

‘JUST GO!’ Propelling himself into the air and dodging the veins that had shot out to restrain their Queen, Yosuke glides out of the room. He needs to get as far as he can from everyone.

Yosuke is too quick, a mere dot in the distance when they react and block by hundreds of shadows in the corridors. The shadows are as determined to keep their mother away from them as much as the team wants to get to Yosuke. Each kill, they can hear Yosuke’s sobs begging them to stop, mix with the dying cries of the next one. 

As they chase Yosuke down the endless spiralling corridor, the growls decrease and Yosuke’s cries turn into agonising pants with a second voice becoming clearer, bouncing off the walls. It was Yosuke talking to them; his whimpers that it hurt, his cries that he did not want to be pregnant and his pleads to let him go that were all unheard. Yosuke had called each of their names. Enduring the pain, he was waiting for them to come. He waited and waited but eventually, Yosuke stopped waiting for them as he muttered hopelessly, ‘No one is coming for me.’

Striking the last shadow down, they came to the last door which Yosuke had locked himself behind. Yosuke is now screaming in pain and as they throw the doors open, the screaming stop. Yosuke is lying on the floor, struggling to stay conscious with Susano-o flickering above him. Thin trails of blood travel down Yosuke’s thighs as a dark mass kneels over the brunette, crushing whatever it just pulled out of Yosuke. 

Without thinking, Souji summons Izanagi no Okami to attack and the black figure immediately jumps back, its form changing to take shape of its true form. Ordering Ziodyne on the creature, they are taken by surprised when in self-defence, the thing calls out Megidolaon on them and all of them brace themselves for the damage. They might not survive if it hit them as they are not prepared for its strength. Moreover, the previous shadows may be weak but their numbers had taken a good lot of their health. The group waits for the impact but nothing came. Opening their eyes and to their horror, they watch Susasno-o falls backward after taking the hit for all of them while the last child reaches out to grab the falling Persona.

Rushing to Yosuke’s side, Souji pulls his dying friend into his arms to watch Yosuke takes his last breath as the inverted Magician arcana breaks and fades away with Susano-o that has fallen empty into the shadow’s arms. Even though he immediately summons Kikuri-hime but no matter how many Samarecarm that both Hime or Amaterasu use, it will not work. He knows that Hime is shaking her head but Souji continues calling the spell. He did not come this far to give up but fate is playing them again. They are too late. Yosuke was gone.

Standing around to mourn for their lost friend, none of them cares when the last child glides down into their middle. It has taken form fully and instead of a shadow, it looks like a proper Persona that is remarkably red. Kneeling before its mother, it lifts its hand and strokes Yosuke’s head down to place it over Yosuke’s chest. A small voice is heard in Souji’s heart. 

_My honourable mother, you had endured pain to give me life and with unquestionable selfless love, you had given up your life for everyone in this room. You have taught me much and there is no I without you. Thus, I shall return this gift of life._

From the child’s finger, a light spreads to enclose Yosuke and rekindles the Magician Card as it flips upright. Slowly, Yosuke’s chest raises and falls to take in pained breaths. As if everything a few minutes ago was just a joke, Yosuke opens his eyes, looking into Souji’s with the soft hazelnut iris that Yosuke has. Turning, Yosuke watches his disappearing child dissipates into specks of lights that are all absorbed into Susano-o, taking a new form of a vibrant red coat and the huge fireball burns white brightly. 

_Thank you, my mother._

 

*** 

Yosuke had stayed in the shadow world too long that once outside, the body rejected the real world. His whole system collapsed and the doctor had to put Yosuke on life support with his heart threatening to give up a few times. They could not do anything but wait outside each time.

It was a week before Yosuke at last pulled through and was transferred out of ICU. When they were finally allowed to see Yosuke, only one more person was given permission to and Souji opened the door slightly to see Yosuke’s mother was already in the room as she stroked Yosuke’s head to calm her sobbing boy. It must be heart breaking for her to see Yosuke in this state and despite his mother telling him to go back to sleep, there was something Yosuke needed to know as he asked his mother weakly, ‘did it hurt giving birth to me?’ 

‘It hurt a lot because you refused to come out, putting me in labour more than 18 hours. I told myself this little devil better be cute when he comes out and when you did, I wanted to see you badly. You were this small little thing when the nurse brought you over with your tiny fingers barely wrapping around my pinky. Holding you in my arms, I really think you were worth all that pain. Well, although you were even more trouble as you grow up but you are always my baby boy. So…’

His mother was trying to joke but all he heard was his mum was in pain when she had him. It also hurt when the last child came out. All the previous shadows came out as eggs. They only broke and took forms after they were born but that one took form inside. When it was ready, it had pushed itself out. stretching the tunnel way more than it could handle and the pain was excruciating. He felt his spine was going to break. After all that pain, he finally got to see his child but it left so he could live. It was the same pain that his mum had to go through to have him. His mother could have died delivering him and yet he gave up.

‘So when you disappeared, I was so afraid, so scared you were injured. I went out everyday to look for you but no one knows where you were. I couldn't sleep every night. My mind keeps telling me you are probably dead, drowned in some pond but I don't care. I don't want to lose you and looking at you now, I really almost lost you. My poor baby, you know how much it hurts watching you like this? Don’t you dare do this again, you understand?’ 

He gave up trying for his mother when his mother was worried sick about him. She was looking for him and each day, without result, she had to go to bed with all these thoughts of him possibly dead. It must felt as painful as the very second when his child disappeared, worse than getting stabbed to the heart but he was too weak to even cry while almost doing the same thing to his mother.

‘Sorry. I’m sorry.’

Her tears falling as Yosuke muttered ‘sorry’ over and over again to his mother. 

Closing the door quietly, Souji went back into the corridor. He heard the child’s last words. It wanted its mother to live. To a mother, they would always want their children to live. For now, Mrs Hanamura would be the one who could console Yosuke’s emotional loss and convince him to live for his child’s sake.

_I will always live on in you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Red; colour of fire and blood, associated with energy, strength, power, desire and love. Many colours represent life and it’s affected by culture. In japan, it is usually red that means life. 
> 
> As for the white, it’s from Souji’s Izanagi no Okami as Souji is the ‘father’ who provided parts of the emotions for the child’s growth. Then, it’s also because white represents purity, innocence and goodness as the child gave up its life for Yosuke without thinking.
> 
> I also now understand why Yosuke is always in red or orange with a lot of white.
> 
> Originally, I wanted the team to be the ones who console Yosuke as they know what it was like to be kidnapped but that's it. They weren't raped or forced to be a 'mother' and thus, I switched to Yosuke's mother. Yosuke takes comfort in his mother, who would understand his pain although he couldn't tell her what exactly happen.
> 
> At last, it would be the last shadow child. It had been trying to save its mother the whole time, although the method at first seems wrong. I like the idea of giving the shadows some humanity.


	6. Pulls of love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yosuke recovering from the psychological damages and Souji's there to help.  
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Persona series.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My idea is to make sex the catalyst, the mean to affirm Souji's love for Yosuke so he could get over the very same trauma that had almost broken him beyond hope. I hope it works.

**Chapter 5: Pulls of love**

With Souji's persistence, Yosuke was persuaded to enter the music course with surprising result. Convincing Yosuke was easy. It was Mrs. Hanamura that required more work and no one could blame her. 

When Yosuke was discharged, the brunette had deceived them enough with all the smiles worn on his face that he was fine. They were not naive to think that there would not be a deep scar within Yosuke's core but Yosuke, being a master at hiding his true feelings and insecurities, made it difficult for anyone to pinpoint anything. They should have known better when Yosuke refused to go to a single psychological therapy session, for they had realised it late that Yosuke was a vase balancing on a stick.

One night, they gathered to give Yosuke a surprise birthday. The moment they switched off the light, plunging the house into darkness, Yosuke dropped to the floor without warning. Shaking uncontrollably and with his eyes not focusing on anyone, Yosuke muttered repeatedly to let him go; trapped in his memories of the times when he was held in pitch darkness, not allowed any freedom, forced to be impregnated over and over. His cries of pain and pleads going unheard until he finally cracked. He was rushed to the hospital again as his laboured breaths turned into a struggle for air. 

After another anxious wait in the corridor through the night, waiting for Yosuke to pull himself back into reality, they entered the room to watch Yosuke broke down into tears, not allowing anyone to touch or comfort him. To their dismay, the condition worsened as Yosuke’s emotions grew increasingly unstable as time stretched. Yosuke would space out in the midst of a conversation to snap back, watching them with a terrified expression, pulling away if anyone showed him the slightest pity or concern. He would throw the pills across the room in anger, shouting that he was not sick, and switch to apologising profusely the next second. Everyone was at a loss to what they could do for Yosuke and was devastated when the doctor advised them that they might need to admit Yosuke into an asylum if Yosuke ever got violent with anyone. 

The turning point was when Souji stepped into Yosuke’s room with his medication and Yosuke flung the mug at the wall. The flying shattered porcelain pieces scratched Souji’s cheek, leaving a small, thin cut with just enough blood to coat the broken skin. Souji was unsure if it was the blood or the hurt in his eyes, he saw something stirred in Yosuke; the regret in the brown orbs. Hanging his head down, hands grasping the bed cover tightly, Yosuke’s heart reached out as he sobbed. 

‘Help me, Souji.’ 

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he pulled the trembling Yosuke into a strong embrace as Yosuke’s tears wet his shirt. The first allowed physical contact for months. 

That day, Souji moved in to Yosuke’s room. It was an anguishing recovery journey that requires utmost patience. The medication kept Yosuke’s emotions stable within reasonable level. When he was waking, Souji made sure he was right beside so Yosuke knew he was waking to their world, not the shadow world. He would talk to Yosuke gently until he was fully awake and wait for Yosuke to tell him what he wanted to do that day. He would take Yosuke out on long walks with the team and explore areas where even the locals might not know. 

Gradually, Yosuke also opened his heart out to the rest of the team and they would once more sit around the Junes rooftop and have a study group. Their new motto; they would walk together and no one was to be left behind. If they were to grow up, they would explore the society together. With everyone’s encouragement, Yosuke applied for a university. It was the least he could do to repay everyone’s care and concern. 

Unknowingly, he had actually applied to the same college that Souji was in and when the acceptance letter reached, he was honestly surprised. Souji simply took his hands and smiled that Izanami had given them more time together. On their last day in Inaba before they depart for their school, the two climbed the hill where they both once stood searching for their house roofs. Today, they admired the warm setting sun. His hand held tenderly but firmly in Souji’s, he stared at the hands that had saved him time and time again and up to Souji’s gentle smile, Yosuke leaned in to kiss the cheek he once scratched and rested his forehead on Souji’s shoulder. Nuzzling himself into Yosuke’s flushed neck, he returned the affection for Yosuke with a tight hug.

'I guess you are mine now.'

Sharing an apartment, they did many things couples would do. They would go on dates, travel in their holiday, share the same bed and fight for dominance through their kiss. However, Souji would refrain from doing anything more than a kiss. If the kiss turned heated, Souji would pull away eventually and lie back down, still holding Yosuke in his arms but nothing more. He would always say it was still too early to go any further. Souji was waiting and Yosuke know what he was waiting for. Souji was unquestionably afraid that it would trigger the trauma and Yosuke was equally uncertain that it would not. Both understanding each other, they allowed the silence to voice their agreement.

Living this way, 3 years passed and that afternoon marked the end of everyone’s third year into college. To celebrate the victory over successfully getting through another year, the team had gathered at a café for a proper coffee tasting. It felt like forever since the last time they had actually sat down to eat. Digging into their food, everyone took their cup and cheered to another year.

Kanji was telling them a story that happened during the final exams that someone dressed up in a Spiderman costume and ran through the library, and in the corner of his eyes, he saw a shadow and turned. A mother had walked past with her daughter and the latter was recounting happily how the teacher praised her artwork. Long after the duo turned the corner, Yosuke’s gaze lingered over where they were and when he finally glanced back to the team, they were looking at him in silence, with Souji breaking it, ‘you okay?’ 

‘How long was I out?’ 

‘Around 5 minutes.’ 

‘………………..’ 

‘You want to talk?’ 

Should he talk? At least 4 years have passed and he still could not get over it completely. Souji told him he could wait and like this, they would wait for him to come back to reality. And they waited but just looking at a mother and her daughter, he was lost again. Yosuke was tired. He did not want to wait anymore. He needed to tell them the truth. 

‘I still missed them. My children….’ 

That afternoon frightened Yosuke. He remembered the pain in everyone’s eyes when they left. They were not judgemental of him that he saw those shadows as his children but the guilt that they even let it happened. It was not their fault that he could not overcome it. It was not fair to Souji that he remained a burden. Souji would wait even if he could not touch Yosuke and Yosuke knew Souji could but he was done; sick of living in fear, irritated at himself for dragging everyone down again. 

Thus, the moment they were home, he pushed Souji down onto their bed. Devouring Souji’s lips aggressively, he made it clear to Souji that they were going to do it all the way this time. Perhaps it was his expression, on the verge of crying, Souji agreed reluctantly.

Souji was gentle, very careful when he touched Yosuke. He would constantly asked Yosuke if he was alright, taking ample time to prepare Yosuke. Feeling that Yosuke was able to take it, Souji lined his member with Yosuke’s entrance and the moment the head entered, Yosuke gripped the sheets below tightly. Holding his breath, he fought the images of the shadow that was threatening to overwrite Souji as Souji made love to him.

‘No….no….Sou..ji…’ Breathing uneasily, he searched for Souji in the hazy darkness and found his way back with something wet dripping down his cheeks. The foggy image clearing; it was Souji’s tears that were rolling off his cheeks. 

Was he hasty in his decision?

Encircling his arms around Souji’s neck, Yosuke pulled Souji down into an embrace. He had made Souji cried once more. 'I’m sorry, Souji. I’m sorry.’

Still, they need to overcome this thing. ‘Come on. Let's continue. This is the first time we are having sex. I don't want to screw it up.' 

Pushing himself up, Souji shook his head. He could not. Not after what just happened. It was still too early. Yosuke was not ready yet.

Sliding his hand down Souji's broad chest, admiring the toned muscles, he rested his hand on the back of Souji's firm thigh. Giving it a small squeeze, Yosuke pushed his hips down a little, taking in Souji by a bit more, he urged his lover to continue. However, Souji was not convinced. To ease Souji’s mind, Yosuke joked weakly. 'Don’t worry. You’re big but it won’t hurt.' Souji did not respond to his attempt to lighten the atmosphere. He remained motionless, his eyes telling Yosuke that he was going to stop. 

Flipping themselves over, Yosuke trapped Souji below him. Letting his weight and gravity do their job, Yosuke took Souji all the way in as he straddled Souji. Using Souji’s chest, Yosuke propped himself up with his hands, seriousness in his tone, ‘I need this. I want to know your touch when you love me. I don’t want to live my whole life taken by that thing. To have you inside me and yet, my mind tells me it is that shadow raping me. You brought me back just now. We can do this.’

Sitting up, Souji took in the determination in Yosuke’s eyes. Could he really do it?

‘Please. Do this for me, partner.’ 

Running his tongue over Souji’s lips, he asked for entrance. Tongues dancing, Yosuke guided Souji’s hand over his hardened member. Moaning softly into their kiss, Yosuke pressed for more as he raised his hip and slid back down over Souji’s length. 

‘I trust you so trust me too, partner.’

Souji loved and still loves Yosuke a lot. Undoubtedly, Yosuke loves him and trusts him. It is now his turn to put his trust in Yosuke. Pressing Yosuke back into their bed, Souji dug his hands into the auburn locks and engaged Yosuke’s lips in a hungry kiss as they spent the night learning another form of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry. I tried… 
> 
> Anyway, thank you, everyone for reading this till the end. I hope you enjoyed it as I certainly enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Uni…good old days which all I ever did was eat, read, study and sleep. What is food? I only need carbohydrates and caffeine. The story of Spiderman really did happen in my school. Someone wore the costume and ran through the library, climbing out the window into the corridor. We were guessing it was arranged by the school community as laugh therapy for all the crazily studying students.
> 
> PS. Yosuke is just making people cry left and right.


	7. Epilogue: Appreciation of Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Closure.  
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Persona.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight fluff.

**Epilogue: Appreciation of Life**

Being both males biologically, they cannot get pregnant in the course of nature and this means he cannot give Yosuke the chance to have a child the brunette probably wanted. And the law does not allow them to adopt a baby either and this saddens Souji when he saw Yosuke smiling so delightfully at the contentedly sleeping baby in the arms of the newly appointed Godfather. 

2 years into their marriage, a healthy baby boy was born to Kanji and Naoto. Celebrating their bliss, the gang gathered at the two's humble house for a simple lunch. It was quite the sight to see their roughneck Kanji, who had wrecked biker gangs with his bare hands, did a 180 degree transformation into this careful, if not, afraid daddy when carrying his delicate baby. 

Not long enough, the ladies requested to carry the sweet little thing as well and Teddie joined in the queue, wanting to be the first. Sadly though, the baby did not warm up to anyone. Surrendering, the baby was passed back to the mother. Turning to Yosuke, who was comfortably chatting with the guys, Naoto took a bold move asking her senpai if he would like to carry the baby, getting an unsure nod.

Surprisingly, once in Yosuke's arms, the baby stopped his pouting and peered up with huge round eyes. For 5 seconds, the two were just staring at each other and suddenly, the 3 month old baby giggled, bringing a wide smile onto the brunette's face. Gently taking the tiny hand that found the ring around his neck, Yosuke told the little thing that he would grow up into a smart boy like his mother, and luckily not like his father. As if agreeing with his Godfather, the baby giggled even louder, prompting Yosuke to laugh wholeheartedly at Kanji's dejected face, who probably thought his son betrayed him. 

Before today, they were afraid that it would strike a wrong chord in Yosuke but looking at how natural Yosuke interacted with the baby and everyone, it seemed like the past had indeed passed. If only he could just give Yosuke the baby he deserves, then it would be perfect.

Thus, that evening Souji popped the question of adoption when they took a lazy stroll down the riverside, hand in hand.

‘No. I don't want a premature ageing looking son, who is bigger and heavier than me, he will break my back if he wants a piggyback. Not to mention he eats way more than I do, he'll burn my wallet faster than I burn my calories.'

Giving Yosuke's waist a hard pinch of what little he has, Souji showed his discontent at being called a glutton, causing the older male to give a sharp yelp and jumped a little further. If they were not in public, he would have tackle Yosuke and tickle the brunette till he apologizes. Knowing he has the upper hand outdoors, Yosuke stuck his tongue out at Souji playfully. 

'Besides, I already have this huge grey cat that adores my attention. He's all I need now.' 

Playing with the ring from a chain around his neck, Yosuke intertwined his fingers with Souji's and walked in the direction of their home as they admired the way the river sparkles under the warm dusky sun. 

'Let's go home.'

 

Fin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Koseki; a type of adoption in Japan, in which you can even adopt an adult that is only 1 day younger than you. It's usually practiced to secure family lines. As Souji's DOB was never said, I used this hole to give Yosuke the chance to poke at Souji although Souji was on another page to adopt a proper teenager.
> 
> I wanted to end this chapter with Souji bringing home a kitten, which has Souji's grey hair and Yosuke's brown eyes, making it their 'child' but decided otherwise as it would seem like Souji was the one who couldn’t let it go.

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thanks to Aryū Muin (Caeslin) and her work Shadow Puppet, it inspired me a lot to write this story. I really like his/her idea of using Yosuke as a womb for creating Shadows. Aryū Muin (Caeslin), thank you so much for letting me borrow this idea. Anyone, who's as sadistic as me, I highly recommend his/her work.


End file.
